


He Ain't Heavy

by fikidurin



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Drabble Collection, Durincest, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:15:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 13,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23938273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fikidurin/pseuds/fikidurin
Summary: A collection of FiKi drabbles that didn't have anywhere else to go.
Relationships: Fíli/Kíli (Tolkien)
Comments: 72
Kudos: 51





	1. Strawberry Tarts

**Author's Note:**

> Written for GatheringFiki Drabble Challenge 3, for the prompt 'Strawberry Tarts'.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for GatheringFiki Drabble Challenge 3, for the prompt 'Strawberry Tarts'.

If Kili had a superpower, it would definitely be his sense of smell.

On mornings like this, when he’s running late and didn’t even have time for breakfast, it serves him well.

It’s a gift. Or a curse, depending on who’s asked. Kili can sniff out a bacon sandwich from down the street, unearth fresh croissants from his colleague Tauriel’s bag from the moment he walks onto campus.

He’s fully prepared to teach on an empty stomach if he has to, but more often than not he’s able to convince someone to part with or share some of their morning fare.

He walks into his office, setting his bag down and beginning to set out the materials for that day’s lesson—Shakespearean comedies, specifically for his third-year students—before the scent of something sweet and delicious and fruity reaches his nostrils.

Kili inhales deeply. Strawberry. He’s certain of it. But there’s something else there, familiar and woodsy. Not edible.

At least, not in his office where anyone could walk in.

“Fili,” he breathes, turning to greet his husband, who waves a brown paper bag at him as he enters the room.

“You ran out the door like a bat out of hell.” Fili saunters over to the desk and perches on the end of it casually. “And I know you get grumpy without breakfast.”

It’s a pointless statement as Kili is already devouring the first bite of the strawberry tart. It’s flaky and crumbly and buttery, with fruity, sweet, sticky strawberry filling and a dusting of powdered sugar.

Kili holds back a moan, but it’s a near miss if the way Fili’s eyes darken is any indicator. “I… _mmmm_ …. love you.” He mumbles around the next bite, a little bit of jam leaking from the corner of his mouth.

“I know.” Fili grins, and Kili meets him halfway as he leans in to thoroughly clean up the spillage.

And if he’s late for his first class, well… he’d been running late anyway. No harm done.


	2. Restraints

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for GatheringFiki Drabble Challenge 3, for the prompt 'Restraints'.

Fili looks down at the thin strand of twine around his right wrist and scowls. “I could just break it, you know,” he huffs.

“Like you broke the sword Uncle Thorin made for me?” Kili mutters under his breath. Despite the fact that they’re fighting right now, it’s obvious to Fili that his brother is equally as irritated with the newest form of punishment their _amad_ has adopted.

“Enough, Kili.” Dis’ tone leaves no room for arguments, but her eyes are soft as she looks between her boys. “It was an accident and Fili has already apologised.”

“He didn’t mean it,” Kili wails, swiping at his running nose, the only symptom left of his tears. “He only apologised because you made him! And I don’t see why I have to be punished!”

Dis sighs and ruffles her youngest son’s hair. “Because you punched him and pulled his hair, and fighting with your brother is not how you handle disagreements. So for the rest of the day, you’ll have your wrists tied together with this twine. Hopefully that will teach you to look out for each other.”

“Sorry, _Amad_.” Fili mumbles, looking down at the floor. He feels thoroughly chastised, even though breaking Kili’s wooden sword had been an accident. “Sorry, Kee. I really am.”

Kili pouts up at him, and makes a pathetic noise. “I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have hit you.”

“It’s alright.”

Dis gets to her feet with a sigh. “Good. Now, go on and play outside. Heaven knows you can’t get upto much mischief tied together, so give me some peace.”

Fili claps Kili’s hand in his own, the twine around their wrist hanging loose in the new position, and tugs Kili out the door. “Come on! I know where we can get some wood.”

“What do we need wood for?”

“To make you a new sword, of course!” Fili shouts. “Mister Dori’s chickens are fenced in by thick planks. Uncle Thorin can make you a new one out of that wood.”

“But what about the chickens, Fee? Won’t they get loose? Or what if a wolf or something gets in?”

Fili thinks about it for a moment. “But then we’ll have a sword to defend them! Come on!”

The twine restraints break as they hurry through Ered Luin, towards Dori’s house. But with their fingers clasped tightly together, neither of them notice for a very long time.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for Fiki100, for the prompt 'Beneath the smiles'.

The battle was won.

But not for everyone.

Many had fallen, and many were yet unaccounted for.

Fili had survived and shed his tears like most. Yet his were tears of relief, for Kili still lived, hale and whole. They embraced, clinging to each other with their foreheads pressed together.

As they breathed, they did so as one, for that was the way Mahal had made them.

One heart. One soul. Two bodies.

During the immediate hours after the battle, they still did not stray from each other’s side. None could prise them apart, and fewer still even dared to try.

“Let the boys stay together,” someone said.

“They’re brothers, they’ve always been close,” said another.

They had no way of knowing that things had changed forever between Fili and Kili.

That the night before the battle had seen them rutting against each other, wild and without finesse, desperate kisses masking their fear that this night might be their last.

Nobody knew that they had admitted aloud things in the darkness they had previously kept under lock and key, even from each other.

Nobody knew that, beneath the smiles of relief they had only for each other, there was a brittle wall that was threatening to come tumbling down and destroy their platonic facade.

Their fingers vibrated with the need to reach out and touch each other, to run fingers through their braids and knot into their collars and never let go.

But they resisted. For Mahal might have made them this way, made them for each other, but nobody else would understand.

They would find some time alone later, to talk and understand and come to terms with exactly what the future would hold for them.

For now, they were Fili and Kili, sons of Durin and Thorin’s heirs. Much was expected of them.

And they would not disappoint.


	4. Selfie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for Fiki100, for the prompt 'selfie'.

“Go on,” Tauriel hisses, nudging Kili forward.

“Alright then, I will.” Kili looks around for a potential target. The _Piazza San Marco_ is filled with tourists, all of them taking pictures and selfies in front of the Basilica.

His friends' dare to photobomb one of them is stupid, but Kili isn’t one for turning down a dare. He has a reputation to maintain, after all.

His eyes zero in on the perfect target, a lone male with shoulder-length hair. It’s the rich golden colour that draws Kili’s attention, because it’s really quite beautiful.

Kili meanders over slowly, casually looking around the square as if he’s simply a regular tourist and not about to cause some mischief.

The man raises his phone and Kili jumps forward, opening his mouth in a wide grin and raising two fingers in the universal peace symbol, his face peering over the stranger’s shoulder.

He gets a whiff of musky, earthy notes, a subtle cologne or even shampoo. It distracts him so he can’t make a quick enough getaway before the man looks around.

His friends dissolve into giggles, but Kili is too busy putting on his most charming smile, doing his best to look sheepish. It’s his ‘get out of jail free’ card, and it rarely fails him.

“Thank you,” the man says, the corner of his mouth tugging up.

“You’re welcome,” Kili responds instantly before his brain catches up. “Uh, for what?”

“For giving me a solid memory of my time here. Now when I look at this album I can say, ‘this is the time I was photobombed by a beautiful man, and it was the best part of my trip’.”

Kili blinks, and to his horror, feels himself begin to flush. “If my photobombing your selfie is the best part of your trip to Venice, I think you’re doing it wrong.”

“You’re too kind. I accept.”

“You… what?” Kili wonders if this man, handsome though he is, is all there. He seems to talk solely in non sequiturs.

“For volunteering to show me how to tour Venice right. You were offering, I assume?” The stranger’s eyebrows raise in a challenge, and, well… Kili never has been one to refuse a challenge.

His body relaxes, shrugging off the uncertainty for the relaxed confidence that he always carries.

“Of course I was. The name’s Kili. Kili Durin.”

“Fili Oakenshield. Pleasure to meet you.”

“Oh, trust me,” Kili purrs, and takes the plunge by winding his arm around Fili’s broad shoulders. “The pleasure is all mine.”


	5. Landing Among The Stars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for Fiki100, for the prompt 'landing among the stars'.

Kili’s face is tight, his jaw clenching as he focuses on his target, the string of his bow taut.

From behind a large tree, Fili watches. Despite the concealing shadows of the night, his dwarven eyes allow him to see Kili’s face as clear as if the sun were shining upon them.

He’s beautiful.

This small clearing has become something of a secret meeting place of theirs, deep into Mirkwood. When their duties get to be too much, or they merely want to spend some time together, this is where they meet.

Kili had sent word that he wanted to meet here tonight, and Fili has only just arrived. Yet he can’t bring himself to make his presence known immediately, simply content to watch Kili in the silvery light of the crescent moon.

Kili breathes steadily, slow and silent. Fili can see his chest expand with each breath.

The nocked arrow traces a slow movement through the sky, following the path of some bat or bird, Fili knows not which.

Selfishly, he desires Kili’s focus for himself, and steps forward.

He clears his throat softly, and his brother startles, the bow jerking an inch or so upwards as the arrow releases unbidden.

Kili makes a sound of annoyed protest, but Fili pays it no heed, watching the arrow arc through the sky and out of sight.

Though he knows it’s not possible, he imagines the arrow sailing evermore through the darkness, landing among the stars and marking a remnant of Kili in the heavens forever.

But when he turns to meet Kili’s eyes, he sees the same stars reflected there and gives no more thought to the heavens, for they surely pale in comparison to his brother.

His hands ache to curve around Kili’s cheeks, to kiss him long and deep, and Fili does so.

When they pull away, he watches again as Kili’s chest expands with each breath, his lips kiss-bitten and cherry red.

“Don’t think you’re getting away with that, you’re fetching my arrow back.” Kili tells him, even as Fili feels deft fingers knotting into his braids, tugging him closer.

He smiles into the next kiss, and makes no promises.


	6. Starved For Affection

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for Fiki100, for the prompt 'starved for affection'.

Fili’s eyes flutter open.

When the drowsiness wears off, his next action is almost too predictable to those who know him.

“Kili?” He says, or he tries to, because what comes out is more of a raspy groan with no recognisable consonants.

Why does his entire body ache?

“He’s awake! Someone get Prince Kili. And notify the king.” That’s a voice that he recognises. _Oin_. Which means he was probably hurt.

With a gasp, all of the memories of the Battle of the Five Armies come flooding back. He remembers the ambush, being stabbed and thrown off the ledge.

Yet it’s clear he survived. Somehow, Mahal had smiled upon him, and spared his life.

“Kili?” Fili tries again, and this time the word comes out whole, if still hoarse.

“He’s coming, lad, take it easy,” Oin soothes, propping him up a little.

Part of Fili is stung that his brother isn’t by his side, but mostly he feels relief that Kili isn’t hurt. Or at least, can’t be badly hurt, or he’d be in a nearby bed. Something must show on his face, because Oin pats him clumsily on the hand.

“Aye, Kili is fine. He’d be here by your side if he could, but Thorin insisted he keep busy. There’s too much to do, to oversee here now Erebor is ours again. Truth be told, I’m glad you’re awake, lad, this last week has been hard on Kili.”

There’s so much to process in that sentence. “Week?”

“No, you’re not weak. You needed to recover, that blade ran you through properly. There’s no shame in it.”

Fili licks his dry, chapped lips and raises his voice. “I said… oh, never mind.”

Before Oin can say anything else, the door bursts open and Kili comes flying in. His eyes are frantic, searching, and his face crumples the second their gazes meet.

“You’re awake.”

“You sound as though you doubted I would wake at all.”

Fili reaches for Kili, and his hand stills as he looks around the room. Oin is already beating a hasty retreat, and as the door closes behind him, Fili can just about make out the slight click of a lock.

He’s giving them privacy.

“It’s been a whole week since the battle. My fear made me doubtful, but my heart knew you’d return to me,” Kili whispers.

Fili traces Kili’s immaculate braids, fingers clumsy moving to trace his ear, palm curving down to settle at the side of his neck.

And Kili preens, leaning into the touch with all the eagerness of a cat. The tension in his body slips away and he all but melts under Fili’s attentions.

He’s never done that before.

Fili’s fingers continue their exploration of Kili, thumb brushing along his jaw, over his cheekbones, sweeping across his lips.

“Gorgeous,” he murmurs.

Kili’s shoulders tremble, and the sound that escapes him can only be described as a sob.

“Kee, what’s wrong?” Fili tries to prop himself up further, but it tugs at the stitches in his chest and he stops. “Did I scare you so much that you must weep?”

Kili shakes his head. “That’s… that’s not… it’s nothing.”

“Tell me,” Fili insists. “ _Sannadadith_ , tell me what pains you so.”

“It’s… I simply forgot how nice it is to be touched, to be complimented. Such a simple thing… and it feels so selfish to say.”

“Surely I am not the only one to touch you? To give you a compliment? Surely Thorin must have told you how bravely you fought at the battle?”

Kili’s hands wring together and he doesn’t meet Fili’s eyes. “There has been much to do, and Thorin has been busy...”

Fili tries his hardest not to betray how that really makes him feel, but resolves to have words with Thorin at the first opportunity. “I see,” he says mildly. “Then I shall have to stop being remiss in my duties. Lie with me?”

“Fee, you’re hurt.” Kili tries to object. “Besides, you just woke up. I should be taking care of you....”

“And there will be time for that later. For now, as you say, I’m hurt. So you should join me rather than making me get up. Get over here.”

Kili slides on the small cot. There’s barely enough room for Fili, but they’ve always found a way to make room for each other and this is no exception.

They curl around each other, and Fili’s hand buries itself in Kili’s dark hair, massaging his scalp and combing through the soft locks.

Kili goes pliant under his touch, face buried in Fili’s neck.

They don’t speak, for no words would add to this moment. Content to lie entwined, they both feel truly whole for the first time since the battle.

And that’s how Oin finds them when he returns thirty minutes later, intent on checking Fili’s bandages.

Instead, he smiles fondly and closes the door behind him, intent on misplacing the key until morning.


	7. Fountain of Roses

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for Fiki100, for the prompt, 'fountain of roses'.

Kili had the mind of a poet.

To him, the night sky wasn’t simply black, it was an endless cavern of hope, filled with twinkling lights and exuded a humbling aura.

How could humanity ever hope to explore its vastness?

How could they be so arrogant to assume they were the only life forms the universe had to offer?

Who could look up at the sky, illuminated by a glowing pearlescent moon, and not understand true beauty?

Kili liked to take his motorbike out of the city on nights when he couldn’t sleep, to leave the brightness of the metropolis behind him and just sit on the cliffside, looking up at the sky.

Nothing in the world had ever managed to capture his attention the way the stars did.

This was his escape. Nobody knew he came out here, and he would never tell.

Which was why the accident almost killed him.

He swerved for a shape in the road—a rabbit or something—and the bike flipped.

Kili landed, body twisted, and all he knew was pain.

 _I’m going to die_ , he realised, and forced himself to open his eyes one last time so he could see the stars.

Instead, he saw red, and though he couldn’t quite focus on it, his last conscious thought was that it looked like a fountain of roses.

* * *

When he opened his eyes, he saw the stars.

They were brighter than he’d ever remembered, and reminded Kili more of the ocean than the night sky.

These stars were deep and shallow all at once, and he could stare for hours and never be able to identify every shade of blue.

He blinked again and realised that the stars were talking to him.

“Can you hear me? Can you tell me what your name is?”

“Kili,” he breathed, and his eyes began to flutter closed again.

“No, keep your eyes open for me. Kili, stay with me, okay? Kili!”

The stars said his name so sweetly, but the saccharine embrace of sleep called to him more strongly, and Kili remembered nothing more.

* * *

Opening his eyes stung like hell, but his doctor insisted he try.

His head lolled to the side in an attempt to shield himself from the brightness of the overhead light, and he cracked his eyes open again, feeling them water from sensitivity.

The first thing he saw was a burst of colours: pinks, purples, whites. They all blurred together, until Kili blinked again and his vision cleared.

Flowers.

A glimpse of movement caught his attention and he turned instinctively. Someone was leaving his room. Kili saw a glimpse of blonde hair and broad shoulders and licked his lips.

“Hey,” he croaked.

The man froze, and turned, looking a little sheepish to have been caught. “You’re awake.”

“So it appears. I’m still not convinced I’m not dead.”

“You were lucky. You punctured an artery. My partner and I had a hell of a time keeping you alive until we got to the hospital.”

“Your… partner?”

The stranger perched on the edge of his bed, and Kili got a better look at him for the first time. Those eyes… why did they look so familiar?

“I’m a paramedic.”

Kili didn’t know what to say to that. Thanks didn’t seem like enough, and either way the word stuck in his throat. “You often visit your patients?”

If he had the strength, he would have kicked himself for that. _Way to sound ungrateful, Kili._

“Sometimes.” The man didn’t seem offended. “I’m Fili, by the way.”

Kili tried to nod, but it bought a fresh burst of pain behind his eyes and he hissed behind his teeth. Better not to try that again. 

Instead, he changed topics again. “The flowers are beautiful.”

He was surprised when Fili almost seemed to fidget at the words. “I just… I wasn’t… everyone deserves to have flowers when they’re in the hospital.”

Kili’s eyes widened just a fraction. The flowers were from Fili? He managed a smile. “Do you often bring flowers to your patients?” He asked.

So he was being kind of a dick. The way he saw it, he nearly died and everyone could cut him some slack.

“Only the ones that wax lyrical about my eyes while I’m scraping them off the tarmac.” Fili shot back.

Kili’s eyes widened even further. “I did _what_?”

“Yep.” Fili’s mouth made a _pop_ sound on the plosive, and he looked quite pleased with himself. “It was quite flattering, really.”

“Yeah, well, I can hardly be blamed for not having a filter and talking absolute rubbish. I did hit my head after all.”

This felt familiar. Easy bickering, light and insincere. It was the first time Kili had felt normal in the few days or so since he’d first woken up, and he even started to smile.

Of course, that was exactly when Fili’s pager went off and he glanced down at it instantly. “I have to go.”

Kili promised himself he wasn’t disappointed, and tried to ease back into casual politeness. “Of course. Don’t let me keep you. Lives to save, and all that. Maybe the next patient will weave sonnets about the golden colour of your hair.”

_For fuck’s sake._

But Fili only smiled. “I’ve no doubt you could do better. I’ll come back in a couple of days and you can give me your best shot, how about that?”

“Don’t count on it,” Kili muttered, but he couldn’t stop the smile spreading over his face.

It stayed there long after Fili was gone.


	8. A Place To Belong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for FiKi100, for the prompt, 'A Place to Belong'.
> 
> Mini-sequel to Fountain of Roses, the previous drabble with Paramedic!Fili and Injured!Kili.

Kili sat on the grass of the cliffside, staring up at the night sky.

He’d recovered well from his accident in the last eighteen months. An ugly scar on his thigh where he’d severed his femoral artery, and scarring on his back from road rash were the only reminders of the motorcycle crash.

He’d been extremely lucky, but his recovery hadn’t all been to do with luck.

Meeting Fili had been a huge part of it.

Where he could have fallen into intense depression over his accident and his helplessness and countless surgeries, he’d instead found a reason to smile.

Fili made him smile.

Every morning when they woke up together, when Fili came home exhausted from a shift and still found a way to weasel into the kitchen and make dinner.

When they showered together because they liked to snatch as much time with each other as they could every morning.

When they made love, or afterwards when Fili’s arm wrapped around his waist, arm splayed across his stomach.

Kili had almost forgotten how it felt to not be happy.

And yet...

Kili found his smile fading as he thought about Fili, replaced by residual anger and irritation. 

They’d had a stupid fight, and he’d come out here to think. To his not-so-secret-anymore escape.

He tilted his head up towards the sky, eyes fluttering closed as he basked in their light.

The stars had always brought him a measure of peace.

And yet tonight, there was no peace to be found.

Headlights lit up behind Kili, the sound of a car engine rumbling quietly as it slowed to a halt.

Kili sighed, but he didn’t need to turn around to know Fili had followed him out here.

He was proven right when a thick jumper was draped over his shoulders, and Fili settled down next to him.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

“What for?” Kili sighed, grateful for the warmth of the jumper. It began to push away the chill, and with it the last of his anger. “To be honest, I can’t even remember what we were fighting about.”

“Me either,” Fili admitted. “But if you came out here, I must have been in the wrong. You haven’t been out here for ages.”

The response came unbidden. “I used to find peace here. It used to give me a place to belong, but it turns out that’s not the case anymore.”

“No?” Fili asked, hesitantly.

“No,” Kili reaffirmed, meeting Fili’s eyes. “It’s not _these_ stars that remind me of home.”

Fili smiled, and his hand rested on top of Kili’s. “Always my silver-tongued poet.”

Kili leaned against his shoulder and looked up at the sky one last time. Perhaps it was time to stop coming out here.

He had all the stars he needed in Fili’s eyes.


	9. Aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a sequel to Chapter 2, Restraints, because silva_13 wanted to see the aftermath of Fili, Kili and the chickens.

Thorin swipes at his forehead with a clean rag, taking away the beads of sweat.

He plunges the glowing sword into a pail of water, stepping back from the hiss of steam as the water bubbles from the sudden heat.

The door to the forge bursts open and Thorin reaches for the blade on instinct, before he sees his nephews in the doorway and relaxes.

“Fili, Kili. What’s all this?”

They’re red in the face, panting, and carrying an oversized plank over wood over their shoulders. Thorin eyes it with suspicion and a little bit of dread.

“Uncle Thorin! I accidentally broke Kili’s sword that you made for him,” Fili begins sheepishly, his foot scraping across the floor.

“I see.” And he begins to. “So you’ve brought this plank of wood so I can make him another one.”

“Yeah! Please, Uncle Thorin,” Kili whines, hopefully, and Thorin feels himself begin to soften at the pleading look his youngest nephew fixes him with.

“Of course I’ll make you another sword. But I’m afraid this wood won’t work.”

His nephews deflate before his eyes, and Kili even pouts. “But it’s super strong!”

“Yeah, we chose it specially!” Fili adds. “We got it from—”

Thorin holds his hand up, effectively cutting Fili off. “Best you don’t tell me where you got it from.”

At least that way, when Dis found out, he’d have some plausible deniability. And Dis would find out. She had a nose meant to sniff out whenever Fili and Kili were up to mischief.

Thorin crouches, taking the plank and looking it over. “This is cedar wood, you can tell from the smell. You want a hardwood for training swords, like white oak or maple, something sturdy that doesn’t require much maintenance.”

Fili and Kili nod dutifully.

Thorin sighs. “I’ll start on your new sword tonight, and _I_ will take care of the wood. You just… go and put this back where you got it from, hmm?”

His nephews need no further encouragement, heaving the plank back over their shoulders and heading back out of the forge, with a, “Thanks, Uncle Thorin,” floating back after them.

Thorin returns to work, shaking his head with fond amusement.

He thinks no more of it until thirty minutes later when he’s interrupted yet again.

“Master Thorin!” Dori bursts into the forge frantically, the door flying open with a crash.

Thorin jumps, and brings the hammer down, forgetting to move his fingers out of the way.

The curse that leaves him is definitely not one that should be used in polite company, and when Thorin remembers himself, he risks a glance at Dori.

To his credit, Dori only looks slightly shocked, his cheeks tinged pink and his eyes wide.

“My apologies, Master Dori,” Thorin speaks through gritted teeth, shaking his hand as if that would dislodge the pain. “How may I be of assistance?”

“My chickens! They’re everywhere!” Dori frets, wringing his hands together. “I need to board the fence back up, but I haven’t the tools.”

Thorin reaches for his hammer again, nodding. “I’ll be right with you.”

“It’s lucky your nephews were there to help. They’re good lads, they were holding the board in place to stop the rest of them getting loose.”

Thorin freezes. _Oh, no. They wouldn’t._

But they would. And what’s more, they had.

Thorin reaches out and yanks the chain above his head, dousing the flames of the forge.

Oh, those boys weren’t going to know what hit them when Dis found out.

He snatches up his hammer and charges past Dori. Those _rascals_. He can only imagine what a mess they’ve made.

It’s worse when he gets there. There are feathers _everywhere_. Clucking chickens running rampage around Dori’s garden, trampling flower beds and ripping up vegetables.

Fili and Kili have somehow managed to produce a pair of brain cells between them and have assigned Fili to the gap in the fence, blocking the remainder of the chickens from escaping.

In the meantime, Kili is darting around in a futile attempt to catch the chickens, which are just a fraction too fast for him.

Thorin sees the moment they spot him, their smiles fading into something sheepish and appropriately ashamed.

He jerks his head for Fili to move aside, blocking up the gap with the plank and beginning to hammer the nails back in, while Dori takes care of the chickens.

In no time at all, the birds are back where they belong, and all that remains is the absolute chaos they left behind.

“Look at the state of my garden,” Dori laments, his mouth downturned.

“It can be put back to rights in no time at all,” Thorin assures him, laying a comforting hand on his shoulders. “In fact, I’m sure Fili and Kili would love to help you clean up every last feather. Isn’t that right, my sister-sons?”

Kili looks devastated.

“But—” Fili begins, but Thorin silences him with a look.

“I can clear it with your _amad_ later, when I bring your sword and tell her how helpful you’ve been to Master Dori. Of course, there’s an entirely different story I could tell her, if you’d prefer.”

Fili and Kili exchange glances and come to an immediate consensus. “We’d love to help, Mister Dori. Come on, Kee, let’s get a bucket for the feathers.”

They dart off and Thorin turns to Dori with a soft sigh.

“They’re good boys,” Dori tells him. “Dis should be very proud of them. It’s lucky they were passing.”

“Yes,” Thorin hides his smile. “Lucky indeed.”


	10. To Flatter Death

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for FiKi 100, for the prompt, "To flatter Death".

The first time Fili sees Death, he’s eight years old.

His father is in mid-sentence, telling him about the football game they’ll go to at the weekend, when he just collapses.

Fili gets out of his seat. “Dad?” His voice trembles. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knows what has happened. Knows why his dad isn’t getting up.

He begins to cry, small hands curling into fists as he sobs.

From the sidelines Death watches, and feels the purity of Fili’s grief tugging at his heartstrings.

“Don’t cry, Fili.”

He steps out of the shadows, materialising on the mortal plane with little effort. Usually he chooses not to reveal himself. It makes things easier.

Only children can see him anyway, and when they grow up they forget all about him.

But this boy is alone and Death can’t bear to see him weep.

As soon as Fili sees him, his eyes widen.

Death knows his black hooded cloak makes his presence imposing, and tugs down the hood. Even after all this time, he still looks human under the cloak, still retains the tanned skin, strong jaw, light stubble he had when he was mortal.

“Who are you?”

“I suppose you could call me Death.”

Fili thinks about that for a moment as he wipes his eyes. “But what’s your _name_?”

Death looks at him in surprise, and doesn’t immediately answer. “Kili,” he says eventually. “My name is Kili.”

“Kili,” Fili tests out the name so similar to his own and then nods, eyes beginning to fill up with tears again. “Are you here for my dad?”

Kili kneels down in front of him, but stays out of reach. It wouldn’t do to accidentally touch him, he’s only here to reap one soul, and Fili has a bright future ahead of him. “I’m afraid so.”

Fili nods again. This was expected. “Will it be light? When he goes with you,” he clarifies, at Kili’s confused expression. “Will it be light there?”

“Yes,” Kili replies gently. His eyes are warm, and Fili has never needed kindness more than this very moment. “He’ll wake up on the other side, and it’s always bright there. He’ll be happy.”

Fili blinks, and tears roll down his cheeks. “Good,” he croaks. “Mum says when we die, we get buried in the ground. But he hates the dark.”

Kili feels tears spring to his eyes over this brave child, and he blinks them back. “I’ll take good care of him. I promise.”

He touches Vili’s chest, and tremors begin to travel up his arm, the last remnants of Vili’s soul settling around him like a comfortable blanket.

He’ll deliver it to the afterlife personally, like he always does.

“Take care, Fili,” he says quietly, and with a wave, he’s gone.

* * *

Kili never forgets Fili.

The boy stays with him. The few times Kili reveals himself to a mortal, they always weep and plead for him not to take their loved one.

Every time, Kili feels like a monster.

Fili didn’t make him feel like that. Fili had cared enough to ask for his name, a question Kili hasn’t been asked in millennia.

It makes him feel vulnerable. Mortal.

Unable to help himself, he checks in on Fili occasionally.

He’s there at every momentous occasion in his life. Every birthday, every Christmas, every anniversary of Vili’s death.

Kili stands in the background on Fili’s last day of school, and again when he graduates university.

He sees Fili’s joys and miseries. His many successes and few failures.

He watches as the child grows into a well-rounded young man, a man with morals and kindness above all other traits.

His soul is as beautiful as he is, with his golden hair and strong jawline.

Kili has never loved before. Not even when he was mortal.

But as he watches Fili wave at his mother, proudly standing in his graduation cap and robe, he thinks that he might love Fili just a little bit. 

He looks forward to the moment when he takes Fili’s soul, and he can touch him for the first and last time.

But he also knows Fili will have a long life, and if anyone deserves that, it’s him.

So Kili watches, and he waits, and he yearns.

But most of all, he loves.

* * *

Fili doesn’t forget Death, or that encounter.

He doesn’t see him again, lucky enough to be spared any more loss in his life, at least until he’s fully grown and graduated university.

Fili wonders if Kili knows that his kindness is responsible for shaping Fili’s entire life.

He gets a job in palliative care—making people comfortable who are reaching the end of their lives.

He goes above and beyond in that duty. He gives his patients a shoulder to cry on, a means of unleashing their anger, a willing ear to listen. He asks them questions about their life, asks them if there’s anything they want to achieve before they pass.

Fili helps them do it all.

It gives him a sense of purpose, and even if he never sees Kili again, he knows that this is his calling in life.

His first few patients pass when he’s not on shift, but he’s holding Balin’s hand as he passes.

Fili weeps for the man who had become his friend, and waits silently.

He senses Kili’s presence from the moment he arrives. Clearly not expecting to be seen, Kili sweeps for the bed, his hand hovering over Balin’s chest.

“Hey, Kili.”

Fili supposes it should be funny that he managed to scare Death himself, but he can’t find humour in this moment. He’s been waiting for it for fifteen years.

“ _Fili_?”

Kili wonders how he was so distracted with his work, he failed to realise that Fili was right here.

“You remember me?”

Kili nods. He feels overwhelmed. “You can see me?”

“I can. I never forgot you.”

Kili swallows. “Likewise. I checked in on you every now and again. Nothing creepy,” he adds hastily. “Just… you know. Graduation. Birthdays. See how you were doing.”

Fili smiles. “That’s good to hear.” He rubs the back of his neck awkwardly. “You know, I always hoped I would see you again. But now you’re here, and I don’t know what to say. Nothing feels like enough.”

He reaches out to touch Kili’s shoulder, and Kili recoils. “Don’t touch me!” He shouts, and winces at the look on Fili’s face. “You can’t touch me without dying.”

“I shouldn’t be able to see you either,” Fili points out, but he drops his hand. “But I at least get the pleasure of that.”

It wasn’t on his agenda for this moment, to flatter Death, but there’s something hanging between them. And the urge to reach out and touch Kili grows stronger.

Fili knows he really shouldn’t, because he could _die_ , but sometimes tells him that he’ll be fine, and how likely is it that he’ll get another chance?

He’s waited fifteen years to see Kili, and now his heart knows what he’s never allowed himself to admit.

Fili reaches out and his fingertips brush against Kili’s cheek.

They both freeze, but Fili’s heart just keeps on beating, faster than he’d known it to before.

His hand cups Kili’s cheek, and it’s warmer than he expected. His stubble is rough, but the skin underneath is smooth.

Kili leans in, savouring the first touch he’s known since he was mortal. It shakes him to his very core, a tear rolling down his cheek as his eyes flutter closed.

He feels everything.

Fili’s happiness. His warmth.

His love.

Fili’s thumb brushes over his lower lip, and Kili shudders.

He should stop this.

Fili should have a normal life. A mortal life, with a mortal lover.

A human lifespan is the blink of an eye to Death.

“Don’t think. Just feel.” Fili whispers, and Kili can feel his breath fan over his face. He’s so close.

And he knows what Kili is thinking.

He sees Kili. He always has. He always will.

Kili surrenders, and their lips meet.


	11. I Don't Believe In Destiny

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for FiKi 100, for the prompt, "I don't believe in destiny.".
> 
> Background Kili/Tauriel.

He'd promised himself he wouldn't do this.

Fili sits in his battered old Ford, parked outside the church. The church where, any moment now, Kili and Tauriel will wed.

Fili clutches the bottle of vodka he bought from a nearby shop. He hasn't opened it yet, but he will. He doesn't want to remember a thing about the day his brother marries another—

No. Not his brother. Not this time. The Battle of the Five Armies was in another lifetime.

Fili remembers everything.

Kili does not.

It varies, in the people they've managed to find again. Bilbo remembers very little. Thorin remembers everything. It's been difficult for them to adjust, but they're slowly moving past their issues.

Kili only has disjointed fragments of their life in Arda. Most of those revolve around Tauriel.

He barely remembers Fili.

They're not brothers in this lifetime. Close friends, brothers because they named themselves so but not in blood. For a while, it seemed like they might have been on the cusp of something more.

Then Kili found Tauriel.

Fili unscrews the bottle cap, and recoils from the smell. He misses ale. Mead. Sickly sweet wine. Not this… _paint stripper_ that humans have the audacity to call alcohol.

His heart yearns, for something that not even mead could fix.

Fili puts the lid back on the bottle and tosses the bottle into the backseat. His legs move of their own accord, and Mahal, he's not dressed for this, he's wearing yesterday's t-shirt and his hair hasn't seen a comb in two days, but it's now or never—

He pushes open the doors and strides into the church with a confidence that he doesn't feel. All eyes turn to him, but he only has eyes for one man.

"Fili, what are you doing?" Kili hisses, and he takes a few steps away from the altar before his brain catches up. He freezes, lingering in place uncomfortably, a half-glance over his shoulder at his bride-to-be.

And Fili's mouth goes dry because he truly thought he'd have chickened out by this point, and he doesn't even know what he wants to say.

But he has to say something because if he doesn't, if he lets Kili get married, he'll have squandered this second chance Mahal has given him.

"I remember everything about both of our lives," he begins quietly. It's unnerving, having the attention of the full church on him. People he knew in his last life, and some he did not. Yet all of them watching him open his heart, lay it bare in desperation.

A last attempt to mend it, before it's broken beyond repair.

Fili swallows and continues. "I know you only remember fragments, but I remember it all. I remember that my heart only truly started to beat the moment you were born, in this life as well as the last. I remember that my last act in Arda was to send you away from me so that you would survive. I remember that I loved you more than anything, more than Erebor, more than my own life. That hasn't changed."

Kili chokes back a sound of shock, but Fili's eyes drift past him to a stunned Tauriel and despite everything weighing on this moment, he can't help but feel bad for her. "And I'm sorry—Tauriel, I'm so sorry that I did this now, I'm sorry that I'm here to take him away from you again..."

Tauriel's chin lifts, an attempt to try and maintain her composure. It doesn't quite work. "You didn't take him away from me last time."

Fili meets her gaze steadily. "Didn't I?" He might not have been around to see it but he's heard Kili's fractured memories of the battle many times. That Bolg had him, that he hadn't even attempted to struggle. Kili could never remember why his heart had turned to lead, or his joints to stone, but he'd confided in Fili that he did remember his death had been welcome.

As if she registers the truth in his words, Tauriel averts her eyes, but Fili is already looking back at Kili. And being here now, seeing him all dressed up in a gorgeous suit, with fluffy hair that won't be tamed for anyone, it's only too easy to say how he feels.

Everyone else fades away, because Kili is the only person that matters now.

"I love you, Kee. I love you now as I loved you then. Not as a brother but as half of me. As my destiny."

Kili looks up at him, a face torn with indecision but his eyes are intense and solemn. "I don't believe in destiny."

But it's not a no, it's not an outright rejection, and by the murmuring and gasps from the pews, Fili isn't the only person who realises that.

It gives him hope.

"Then believe in me," he says simply. "In every lifetime I have been and will be by your side until Mahal himself tears me away. I know with certainty that this is where I'm meant to be. The only question left is, where are _you_ supposed to be?"

The silence that echoes his words is deafening. Fili doesn't even breathe, isn't sure he can remember how to—

Then Kili takes a shaky step forward, and then another. On the third step, he stumbles, but Fili is there to catch him as he always is, as he always will be.

There's uproar around them, but Fili doesn't care one iota, just guides Kili back down the aisle without a second glance.

He almost can't bring himself to look at Kili, to see him flinch from the disparaging names being called after them both—the most colourful unsurprisingly coming from Legolas—or find any hint of regret, but when Fili glances over, he just sees peace.

He plans on making a quick getaway—or as quick as his shitty rust-bucket car will allow—but as soon as they're seated in the car, Kili reaches for him.

Fili follows his lead as a soft hand winds around the back of his neck, allowing himself to be pulled forward as their foreheads touch. His eyes flutter closed, savouring the moment.

"Fee," Kili whispers, and there's a lifetime of love in that single word.

And as Fili kisses him, he prays to Mahal for hundreds of lifetimes just the same.


	12. Shoes Filled With Sand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for FiKi 100, for the prompt, "shoes filled with sand.".
> 
> Also submitted for GatheringFiki for Fiki Week 2020, for the prompt, 'Romance'.
> 
> Background Kili/Tauriel. Blind!Fili.

There’s a man at the library with a mischievous smile, and a twinkle in his eyes.

Fili knows this to be fact as sure as he knows that he will never see it.

Blind from birth, he has long-since accepted his lot in life. He will never get to experience the wonder of colours, the full experience of seeing his favourite movie, even see his mother’s face.

It doesn’t stop him living.

And not being able to see Kili’s smile, or the twinkle in his eyes doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. Fili can hear the smile in his voice, taste the twinkle in his laughter.

In Fili’s mind, Kili is the most beautiful man that ever exists.

In Kili’s own words, Fili is drop dead gorgeous, and maybe they should go on a date sometime.

Fili never accepts.

* * *

They meet at the library, every Saturday.

Perhaps that’s not accurate. They both separately attend the library at the same time each Saturday, and always take adjacent seats.

The first time, it was happenstance.

Every time after, it has been intentional, at least on Kili’s part. Fili is usually there a few moments earlier, and every time Kili joins him.

Kili is a wild spirit. The weekly visit to the library seems to be the only time he can sit still for more than a few moments, if his stories are anything to go by.

He likes bungee jumping, skydiving, and ice skating.

He’s a thrillseeker and always after the next rush.

Fili listens, envious and yet without bitterness. While he will never experience most of these things, he appreciates that Kili enjoys them.

Oh, there’s no doubt he could do some of the less extreme activities. Ice skating, bungee jumping, there are probably ways for a blind man to participate.

Fili just knows he never will. He’s too afraid of falling. Too afraid that nobody will be there to pick him back up.

He listens to Kili’s chatter and asks all the relevant questions and pictures a world where they could do these things together.

He never tells Kili that the biggest thrill he gets is accidentally dropping a knife when he’s making dinner. Or the swooping sensation when he miscounts a step.

“I’d love to take you ice skating some time. Maybe next weekend?” Kili asks, hopefully.

It shouldn’t be endearing, that Kili never even stops to think that these things he takes for granted are things that Fili can’t ever do.

But _oh, it is_.

Fili gives a sad smile and instead says, “Tell me again about that twirl you perfected. What was it called, a salchow?”

He never tells Kili that they’re world’s apart, and Fili’s world is one without risk or thrill.

* * *

Kili doesn’t come to the library one Saturday.

Fili tries not to be disappointed. They never officially said they had a standing arrangement, they just happen to go at the same time.

But it burns.

They might not have verbalised their meetings, but when was the last time either of them had brought a book? Or done anything but talk for an hour or two in hushed voices?

Fili stays for thirty minutes before he gives up pretending that he came for anything other than Kili.

* * *

The weekend after Kili doesn’t show is a long time coming.

Every day drags, and Fili knows it’s because he’s counting down the days to see if Kili comes back at all.

It surprises him by how much that thought rocks him.

How every day he goes through the motions, except for Saturdays.

How Kili has become the thrill in his life.

It leaves him in an uncomfortable limbo, both looking forward to and dreading the weekend simultaneously.

Resolve floods through Fili, and in that moment he feels like he can accomplish anything. Including accepting the next time Kili invites him somewhere.

Because this feeling that he’s just discovering is a thrill all of its own. And maybe, if Kili feels it too, just maybe he won’t get bored with Fili.

Maybe he’ll even stick around.

* * *

When Saturday rolls around, Fili brings a book, just in case.

It turns out to be pointless, because he’s barely taken his seat when Kili drops into the one next to him. Fili knows his scent anywhere, woodsy and earthy.

“So, you’ll never guess what happened to me this week?”

And Fili smiles brightly, because he really did feel Kili’s absence last week. He missed him, and his inane chatter and propensity for getting into the most ridiculous of situations.

“What happened?”

“Well I got all turned around on the way to this lecture I wanted to attend on sustainable use of marine bioresources, because they decided to house it in a building that might as well have been Daedalus’ labyrinth if you ask me...”

Fili nods along, just about keeping up. “It happens.”

“Yes, well, what _doesn’t_ usually happen is being mistaken for one of the guest speakers on the ‘everyday sexism’ lecture happening in the same building, and pushed onto a stage before you can correct the person manhandling you.”

Fili snorts. “How’d you get out of that one?”

“Well, naturally, I charmed the entire crowd and they invited me back to speak next year,” Kili replies loftily. Then he follows up with a snort. “Nah, I stumbled off stage like a giant prat and went home.”

The conversation continues along the same vein, and Kili makes no mention of his absence last weekend.

Similarly, Fili doesn’t feel like he can pry, so he doesn’t bring it up. Instead, he follows along with all of Kili’s outlandish stories of the week and waits for the inevitable invitation.

It doesn’t come.

When it comes to saying goodbye, Kili doesn’t linger, just pats him on the shoulder and rushes off.

Fili tells himself he has no right to be disappointed, and that maybe it simply wasn’t meant to be.

It doesn’t help.

* * *

By the following Saturday, Fili is kicking himself for leaving everything to Kili.

Fili is perfectly capable of asking him out on a date himself. Kili has asked him multiple times, so the invitations have obviously been sincere.

So it wouldn’t be at all weird for him to ask.

Would it?

No. It wouldn’t. He can do this.

“Hello!” Kili greets him cheerfully, and Fili startles. Was he so lost in his thoughts that he’d failed to hear Kili’s approach?

“Hi.” Fili recovers quickly, letting a genuine smile spread across his face. “How was your week?”

“Oh, can’t complain. Have to dash a bit early today though, sad to say.”

“That’s okay,” Fili shrugs, closing his book. “Doing anything exciting?”

Kili clears his throat. “Oh, you know. I have a date.”

Fili’s stomach plummets. This feels like exactly the kind of falling he’s always been terrified of, and he hates every second. 

“Oh.” He doesn’t know what else to say, so he chooses nothing at all. He can’t even hide the misery he knows is written all over his face.

“Please don’t look like that, Fili,” Kili says quietly. “That’s not fair. You’ve always turned me down.”

“I know,” Fili swallows. It would be kinder if he just stopped talking here. If he let them pretend nothing was amiss and go back to their weekly friendship. If he stops now, they might have a friendship to salvage.

But he spent all week telling himself to take a chance, and he can’t seem to shake off that mindset.

“I was going to ask you out today,” he says.

Kili is silent.

“Say something,” Fili’s voice sounds strangled, he can hear it himself, which means Kili can’t have missed it.

“You know… that’s probably the shittest thing you’ve ever done. Piling all this pressure on me. I could really like this girl.”

Fili opens his mouth, and closes it again. “Do you?” There’s no response. “Kili?”

“He’s gone, lad.” A kindly old man across the table tells him. “Just walked out. Don’t worry. There’s plenty more fish in the sea.”

Too humiliated to even leave, Fili reopens his book. The stranger’s words echo around his head. There are plenty more fish in the sea. There are plenty more fish in the sea.

There are plenty more fish in the sea, but none of them are Kili.

* * *

“I thought you’d have left.”

Fili doesn’t jump this time. He heard Kili approach and deliberately chose not to react. He feels wrong-footed, and doesn’t want to do anything that would make Kili hate him more.

“I didn’t think you’d be coming back.” Honesty hasn’t worked for him so far, but he has nothing else to lose.

“That’s weird, because the second I walked through the doors I knew I’d be coming back.”

“It’s been… what, an hour? What took you so long?”

Kili leans against the table, not bothering to take a seat. Fili tilts his head up to where he thinks Kili’s face might be, and wishes not for the first time that he could see him.

“Apparently I had a date to cancel.”

Fili’s stomach churns with guilt. “You didn’t have to—”

“Yes, I did,” Kili interrupts. “Because you asking me out was a shit thing to do, but it’s not like I haven’t been shit too.”

“When have you ever—?”

“When I stood you up a couple of weeks ago. I was standing right in the doorway when Tauriel sent a text asking me out. And I looked at you and thought of all the times you’d said no, and how you were probably always going to say no, and I thought, fuck it. I’m going on a date. Regardless of how unfair that was to Tauriel, or you, or me.”

Fili winces. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry.” Kili’s voice gentles. “Just say yes.”

“Yes?”

“Yes to going on a date with me. Right now. To the beach.”

Fingertips nudge against his on the table, and Fili lifts his hand just enough that their hands can interlock. A million thoughts overwhelm Fili at once, but he pushes them all away.

“Yeah,” he says. “Okay.”

* * *

The sand is slippery beneath his shoes, the sun beating down on them.

Fili can hear people in the distance, splashing and playing and conversations, but Kili has led them to a more secluded part of the beach.

Somewhere far from the amenities, where the tide comes in a little closer so there are fewer people around.

Kili is still holding his hand, leading him forward.

Fili’s shoes are filled with sand and its grainy and strange, but he finds he doesn’t mind all that much.

“Why here?” His thumb sweeps over Kili’s knuckles. “Why away from all the people?”

“Because I want you to run. Run as fast as you can. Feel the wind in your hair and the exhilaration of the unknown, of the infinite possibilities. You need to take a few more risks, Fili. You can’t be truly happy without risk.”

Fili swallows, gripped with fear. “But why here?”

“Partly because if you trip and fall here, it won’t hurt so much,” Kili admits. “The sand is soft. And partly because I thought we should start small.”

“I’m scared,” Fili whispers.

Kili’s hand squeezes his. “I’ll be right beside you the entire way. You ready?”

As he’ll ever be.

They take one step forward, and then another, and then they’re running. Their hands threaten to tug apart but Kili keeps his word and doesn’t let go.

Fili can feel the wind slapping his face, his hair blowing backwards in the coastal breeze. His legs are moving so fast, it almost feels like he’s flying.

They run until they can’t run anymore, until Kili calls for them to stop, and then they’re laughing even amidst their breathlessness.

It’s exhilarating and addictive and Fili understands now.

The infinite possibilities. The unknown. The falling.

And then Kili’s is kissing him, gentle hands framing his face.

And Fili falls.

(He finds he doesn’t mind at all.)


	13. The Price of Fame

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for FiKi 100, for the prompt, "price of fame.".
> 
> Movie Star!Kili, break up and make up.

The public loved Kili.

Cheeky, charming and approachable.

He always had time for his fans, always stopped to take selfies and sign autographs. He took the time to educate himself on current events and issues before speaking out about his own opinions.

He took an active role in protests, donated to charities, and never forgot where he came from before he was a big time movie star.

Kili loved his life, he just wished he had someone to share it with.

**_Kigrid love affair? Kili Durin and Sigrid Bardsdottir spotted having a romantic candlelit dinner._ **

“It wasn’t a fucking romantic candlelit dinner,” Kili muttered, glaring at the headline of the crappy airport magazine. “And there were three other people with us that they’ve just cropped out of the picture!”

Shaking his head, he stalked away from the magazine stand, looking for his gate. He was going home, and he couldn’t wait to see his mother.

It wasn’t that he minded the rumours, it was the price of fame. He’d been linked romantically to countless costars, there was just never any truth in it.

The truth was, Kili had already given his heart away. It just hadn’t worked out.

Despite the many blessings he’d been given, the stars hadn’t aligned for his relationship with Fili.

It had been an accidental meeting and a whirlwind romance. Fresh out of a failed relationship, Kili had gone out to have a few drinks with friends. There’d been an accidental bump, a spilled drink, and Kili had whirled around to throw a punch.

He hadn’t banked on how adorably embarrassed Fili had been, or the attractiveness of the mouth that was apologising over and over.

They’d spent that night together, and the next. Three months later, Kili had all but moved in with Fili. 

Two days after that, he’d gotten a call from his agent.

Another two days after that, Fili had kissed him goodbye at the airport.

That had been two years ago now, and they hadn’t spoken since.

* * *

_“I am so, so, sorry. I’m just… god, I’m just the clumsiest person in the world. Can I buy you a drink to make up for it?_

_“...yeah, okay. No harm done.”_

_“I’m Fili. Fili the fundamentally uncoordinated.”_

_“That must look really awkward on your passport. I’m Kili. Nice to meet you.”_

* * *

Fili’s phone buzzed, and he glanced at the hands-free display distractedly.

**_Kili Durin leaves costar Sigrid Bardsdottir’s manor in the early hours._ **

He swiped off the notification with irritation and hit the indicator with a little more force than was necessary, and then chastised himself mentally.

He was working, had to pick up yet another rich arsehole flying in from some mansion, and drive them around for the weekend.

He didn’t have time to be angry.

He shouldn’t be angry anyway. It had been two years.

Kili was allowed to date whoever he wanted.

It wasn’t wrong for him to move on. Deep down, Fili knew that. _He_ was the weird one. He was the one who was still clinging on to what might have been.

The one following Kili’s career in the news.

The one still in love, though he’d never even admitted it aloud.

Fili pulled into the designated parking spot at airport arrivals and cut the engine. He needed to stop torturing himself with thoughts of what might have been. If things might have been different, if only he’d told Kili he loved him.

If only he’d asked him to stay.

Instead, when Kili had finished telling him about the audition, Fili hadn’t know what to say.

So he’d let him go.

* * *

_“So? What do you think?”_

_“It sounds like the big break you’ve been waiting for. You’re not likely to get another chance like this.”_

_“You think I should take it then? It’s… it’s a whole year in LA.”_

_“Kee, of course you should. We never made any promises about this. About us. It’s still new. Too new for you to make any rash decisions, and I know I don’t want to hold you back. Take the role.”_

_“...yeah, okay. You’re right.”_

* * *

Kili grabbed his suitcase from baggage claim and stopped to take a couple of selfies with some approaching fans.

“Is it true you’re dating Sigrid Bardsdottir?” One of them asked, bravely.

“Not at all.” Kili assured them swiftly, putting on a charming smile for the camera. “She’s just a friend.”

He ducked away at the first polite opportunity, wishing them a pleasant day, and began looking for his ride. It had all been arranged for him, under the pseudonym ‘Mr. Thorinson.’. Supposedly his driver would be holding up a sign with that name.

It was easy enough to find. He saw the placard and, weary from the long flight, was already halfway over before he bothered to look up at the man holding the card.

Only to stop dead, shock reflecting back at him along with recognition.

“Fili?” He gasped.

“Kili?”

Kili closed the gap between them, dropping his suitcase on the floor and enveloping Fili in a firm hug. Maybe if he’d thought about it for a second longer, he would have reacted differently, but he didn’t think so.

All he knew was a familiar face, a face he’d been yearning to see again. Luck and coincidence and maybe fate had brought them here.

And _oh_ , Kili was just so happy to see him.

Fili returned the embrace just as tightly, Kili was glad to note. But all too soon they broke apart, not having any clue what to say.

“I… I’m working,” Fili mumbled, gesturing to his placard.

“That’s me.” Kili rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. “Mr. Thorinson was what my PA booked everything under.”

“Oh.” Fili’s face was unreadable. “The car’s this way, then.”

Kili nodded, feeling like there was suddenly half-a-dozen walls between them. Walls he wasn’t sure he could break down.

Walls he wasn’t sure he had any right to.

* * *

_“What are you thinking? That’s your serious face.”_

_“That I’m going to miss this. Going to miss you. Being here, like this, with you… it makes me happy.”_

_“Let’s not talk about it anymore. Your flight leaves in, what, nine hours? Just for now, let’s be right here, in this moment.”_

_“I’m here, Fee. There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.”_

* * *

They drove in silence for a long way, silence broken only by the sound of the radio.

Kili had refused to sit in the back of the Bentley, separated by a screen. Instead, he’d climbed into the front with Fili.

“So… you drive fancy cars now?”

“It’s a job, and it pays well,” Fili shrugged. “We can’t all have movie star wages.”

Kili flinched, and Fili felt a bitter stab of satisfaction. “That wasn’t what I meant.”

“Then what did you mean? That I’m not making the most of my skills? Or maybe that I haven’t done much with my life since you’ve been gone?”

“I had no idea you thought so poorly of me,” Kili replied quietly.

Fili glanced away. “I haven’t thought of you at all,” he lied.

He didn’t mean to be so hostile. He really didn’t. But Kili was here and Fili was just so aware of how lacking his life was without him.

How he’d lost his drive to do more. Be more.

“I thought about you.”

Fili felt his anger drain. Why did Kili have to be so completely honest all the time? He always just said whatever he was thinking, and it was one of the things Fili had always loved about him.

“Yeah?” He asked wearily. “Was that before or after your date with Sigrid Bardsdottir? Or maybe after Tauriel what’s-her-name?”

“That’s horseshit and you know it. All of those rumours are crap,” Kili snapped. “That Tauriel rumour was less than a month after I arrived in L.A. If you think I would just tumble into bed with someone when I still hadn’t moved on from you, then—”

“Hang on,” Fili wasn’t even sure where to begin dissecting that sentence. “You’re trying to say that in two years, there hasn’t been a single person…?” He trailed off.

Kili stared out of the window, his jaw clenched. “No.”

“Bullshit,” Fili said eventually.

“Believe whatever you want. Fee… _Fili_. But it wasn’t me that ran out of the door. You told me to go. You don’t get to blame me for not immediately moving on.”

* * *

_“You’re going to miss your flight.”_

_“I don’t care. Just… kiss me again.”_

_“Kee, are you crying?”_

_“Of course I am, you prat. I’m going to miss you.”_

_“You’ll forget all about me in a couple of weeks, once you get a taste of the celebrity life.”_

_“Not a chance.”_

* * *

“That’s not fair, Kili. This was your big chance. I had no right to hold you back, to put that kind of pressure on you. We’d only been dating for a few months, we hadn’t even said… things.”

“I know.” Kili stared out of the window. Two years he’d been gone, and everything looked so different and yet so fundamentally the same.

“Then how could I ask you to give that up to be with me?”

Kili shook his head. “You could have let me know the option was there. You told me to go, so I thought… well, maybe you weren’t interested in me staying. Like you said, we’d never made any promises.”

When Fili didn’t immediately reply, Kili glanced over. “What?”

“I never wanted you to go,” Fili admitted.

Kili gave a bitter smile and turned away. “If only you’d said that two years ago.”

“Would it have made a difference? If I’d asked you, that day you told me about the audition, to give it all up and stay with me, what would you have said?”

Kili had thought about that exact scenario almost every night for the last two years. The answer rolled off his tongue without a second thought, before he could make any attempt to censor it or hold it back.

“I’d have told you I loved you. And that I wasn’t going anywhere.”

* * *

_“This is Fili, leave a message.”_

_“Hey. It’s me. You’re probably driving home now, I’ve just gotten through security. I’m just sitting here feeling like I’ve made a huge mistake, Fee. I should stay. Please, just call me back and ask me to stay. I need to tell you that I love_ _—”_

_“Message complete. To re-record your message, press 1. To delete, press 2.”_

_“... Message deleted.”_

* * *

“You can’t know that.” Fili’s voice came out strangled, but he did nothing to repress it. Overcome with emotion, he pulled over at the side of the road, cutting the engine.

Kili had loved him too.

“I do. I called you from the airport lounge. I would have stayed.”

“Then you would never have known if you’d made the right choice. And even if you did, I wouldn’t have. I would have been always wondering if I’d made you give up your chance at the life most people dream of. I would have always wondered if you regretted it If you’d made the wrong choice.”

“I hadn’t thought about it like that,” Kili admitted. “But I can tell you with complete honesty that I did make the wrong choice by going.”

Fili nodded.

“I don’t have to make that mistake twice,” Kili offered quietly.

“Are you saying—?” Fili’s head snapped round, his mouth falling open in a gape.

“I’m saying that my feelings haven’t changed, not even after all this time. Have yours?”

Fili exhaled. “No. But I have. As a person, I mean. We might not… we might not fit together anymore.”

But this time, he wasn’t going to talk Kili into leaving him behind. The choice had to be Kili’s, but Fili would present him with all his options.

“I’m in no rush to get back to L.A.” Kili smiled, holding his hand out. “We could find out.”

“I’d like that.” Fili took the offered hand and used it as leverage to pull Kili forward. Their noses bumped together slightly, and then Fili corrected his angle and kissed him gently.

“Stay,” he breathed, as their lips parted.

“Always,” Kili whispered.

* * *

_“_ _Hey Bilbo, this is Kili. I know I asked you for six months off, but the thing is… I’m getting married. And I’m ready to settle down out of the spotlight now.”_

_“I see. This isn’t entirely unexpected, but you’re a talented lad and I’m sad to see you go, my boy. I’d be remiss if I didn’t ask, though… are you sure this is what you want?”_

_“There’s not a doubt in my mind. I found where I’m supposed to be.”_

_“Then I wish you and Fili the best of luck. And if you ever change your mind and need an agent again, you know where I am.”_

_“Thanks, Bilbo. You will come to the wedding, won’t you?”_

_“I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”_


	14. Whispers In The Dark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for Fiki100, for the prompt, 'whispers in the dark'.

The boys were not as subtle as they thought they were.

The fact that Fili and Kili had become… _something_ , something the dwarves had no name for, something that was never spoken of. Something that was inherently shameful.

Something that was considered to be the deepest crime, and met with the harshest punishment.

Those who _dallied_ with kin were erased from dwarven history entirely. There was no mention of them ever existing.

There was certainly no place for them in the Halls.

It was Balin who discovered their secret first. When it came time to make camp one evening, his sharp eyes noticed that Fili and Kili had settled their beds a little further away from the fire than usual.

In fact, they were on the outskirts of camp, closest to the treeline they’d just emerged from.

_Just what were those boys up to?_

Concerned another troll situation might be brought upon them, Balin kept one eye open when everyone settled down for the night.

The whispers started first, but he couldn’t make out the words. Just the occasional breath, the sibilance of private words that drifted on the light breeze. Nothing unusual there. Whispers in the dark were a frequent lullaby as they all drifted off. Platitudes and snipes, compliments and questions, whatever popped into their head.

The point was, the whispering was not uncommon.

Then Kili sat up and jerked his head towards the forest.

Balin didn’t move, but a quick sweep of his gaze told him nobody else was awake. He watched through narrowed eyes as the future princes rose from their beds and disappeared into the trees, out of sight.

For a moment, he contemplated following them. But his bones were old, and he was quite sure he wanted no part in whatever scheme or prank the boys were concocting.

It had just better not be aimed at _him._

Still, to be safe, he stayed awake for a while longer, just to make sure they returned safely.

He remained awake long enough to see the boys reappear, and subsequently witnessed the kiss Fili pressed to Kili’s lips. Nothing that could at all be mistaken for brotherly. There was no mistaking the tender expression on his face, a look that was reflected back from Kili.

Agony gripped Balin’s heart, and he squeezed his eyes tightly shut. _Oh, no._

* * *

Though Balin was the first to notice, he was not the last. That honour went to Thorin.

Balin knew that it was not a lack of observance that made Thorin blind to his nephew’s actions, and was simply his devout hope that he was mistaken.

“You know.” Thorin’s pony hung back to align with Balin’s.

Balin gave a resigned nod. “Aye, that I do. They aren’t exactly subtle.”

“They know not of the consequences that await them if somewhere other than us discovers them.” Thorin’s words are quiet, solemn, spoken with the gravitas of a future king and not a concerned uncle.

“I imagine they don’t. How could they? Yet they know enough to try to keep it secret.”

Thorin’s mouth stayed a thin line of disapproval. “Not well. They didn’t inherit Dis’ subtlety, but they retained Thrain’s temerity.”

“You’re not exactly lacking in that trait yourself, Thorin.” Balin gave him a knowing look. “Should I take your words to mean you don’t disapprove?”

Thorin didn’t reply immediately. “I would not say that,” he replied delicately. “But I would say I’m not surprised. They’ve always been… close.”

Balin nodded. “Aye. But close is not forbidden in our laws. Are you going to tell them exactly what the punishment is for incest?”

He was grateful for Thorin’s wince. It showed his heart still held some sway over his head.

“Not yet,” Thorin said eventually. “Should we fail in our mission, they intend to strike out on their own anyway. Make their own life. They need never experience the shame of our laws upon them.”

“But if we reclaim the mountain, they will be princes. Your heirs. Every eye in Erebor will be upon them. They should have that forewarning.”

Thorin mused on that for a long moment. “No. We have a perilous journey ahead. Let them have this time.”

Balin glanced over his shoulder at Fili and Kili, who were riding side-by-side, deep in animated conversation.

He nodded. There was time to deal with that. First, there was a dragon to slay.


	15. Chalk Dust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written for Fiki100, for the prompt, 'chalk dust'.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains dark themes, and the implication of smut.
> 
> Serial Killer AU.

It was easier to sneak around when Fili lived alone.

Even so, he couldn’t bring himself to regret inviting Kili to move in with him. The younger man was… beautiful. Pure. Innocent. Everything Fili wasn’t.

Fili wasn’t sure he was capable of love, but Kili brought him the closest he would ever get.

He liked Kili’s presence. They shared a bond, and although Fili would never truly trust anyone, he trusted Kili enough to invite him into his space. His home. His life. Kili was different to the other mundane people of the world. Fili was thrilled at his eagerness to please, relished in the pleasure they took from each other’s bodies. His touch, his kiss, his love meant acceptance, even if he would never truly accept all of Fili.

Who would accept a psychopath?

He’d never been officially diagnosed, of course. But his lessened emotions, his lack of remorse, his double life as a serial killer… it all added up to the same result.

Still, Kili wasn’t stupid. He definitely suspected there was more to Fili, or at least something different about him. He was starting to ask questions that were a little too pointed for Fili’s comfort.

Kili finding out wasn’t quite his intention, and yet Fili couldn’t stop himself from half-yearning for Kili to discover that behind the loving façade was a man who lacked empathy entirely. A man who had killed. A man who had killed _for him_.

Perhaps that was why Fili was letting the charade slip, a little at a time. Oh, he’d been so careful to stick to it at first. Cuddling after sex, making sure he stayed in bed with Kili for a reasonable amount of time. He made sure to share in his emotions, crying on cue when Kili’s mother had passed and offering comfort to his lover. Yet as soon as he was alone, the crying ceased, the buzz of emotion was turned off like a switch.

Fili had learned from a very young age how to mimic empathy. How to manifest human emotion at the drop of a hat. How to manipulate the emotions of others around him. He understood emotion perfectly. He just experienced it to a much lesser degree, and it had little lasting effect. 

Throughout his relationship with Kili, he had been careful not to give that away. These days, he was being less cautious. It was a game of risk, wondering just how much he could give away before Kili discovered something. Before Fili would have to kill him.

Fili often wondered what it would be like, to be covered in Kili’s blood. To see the light leave his eyes and feel his heart stop.

He wondered if it would make him feel something stronger. Would it be the click of a plan falling into place, the closest thing he felt to happiness? Or would there be frustration, the primary emotion that replaced an empty void where grief and remorse should be?

Alas, tonight would not be the night to find out. He’d slipped Kili a sedative in his wine at dinner. He’d sleep through till morning, missing all of the excitement.

It had given Fili the night to take full advantage of his latest victim _—_ a former co-worker of Kili’s, who had gotten a little too vicious after a few drinks, and offered a little too freely her opinion of Kili’s lifestyle.

Fili had never known rage like it. The evidence of which was all over his shirt and arms. He usually took more care with his chosen victims, but tonight his emotions had got the better of him.

He hadn’t even packed a spare shirt.

But the deed was done, and her venomous tongue would never put doubts on Kili’s head again.

Unlocking the cellar door, Fili stepped inside his home, a silvery knife clutched in his right hand. It was part of the ritual now, since Kili moved in. An added precaution, in case he was discovered.

But the house was dark. No sound of movement.

Fili relaxed, setting the blade down on the bench and tearing off his shirt. He bundled it into the washing machine and moved to the sink to begin scrubbing his hands. The water swirled murky against the stainless steel, and the last evidence of his nightly activities drained away.

The light overhead flickered on and Fili wheeled around.

Kili stood before him, wide awake, still in the pyjamas he’d been sleeping in when Fili left. But his eyes held no trace of sleep.

In answer to the unasked question, Kili tossed a bottle at him. With still soaked hands, Fili caught it, his eyes flickering away from Kili for only an instant.

 _Pro Plus Energy Shot_. He must have taken it to counteract the sedative.

He knew.

Fili’s eyes flickered to the blade he’d carelessly left behind him. It lay askew on the counter, mocking him for his negligence. It gleamed from its recent polish, only minutes before Fili had left the cellar. He took pride in his instruments. A combination of chalk dust and vodka brought out the brilliance of the sheen. How fitting that it would be the last thing he ever saw.

His mind raced, thinking of excuses, lies, ten different ways to escape this situation, most of them revolving around _killing, killing, killing_ _—_

Kili’s eyes followed his own path to the blade and he picked it up. The blade buried in the top of their kitchen counter—the place they’d prepared dinner together only hours earlier—and began to twirl.

“Are you going to kill me?” Kili’s voice was hoarse but unwavering.

And this, _this_ could be why Fili would have loved him in any other universe, if he was any other man. Because Kili was standing there, faced with his own potential demise, and there wasn’t a trace of fear in his eyes.

Fili licked his lips, the lie heavy on his tongue, and found he couldn’t bring himself to speak it. He wanted to know what Kili would do when faced with the truth. There was no way of getting out of this, so he’d satisfy his own curiosity if nothing else.

“I don’t _want_ to. I’d never planned to.”

“But you’ve thought about it.”

Fili nods, his eyes fixed on the still-twirling knife. “So many times. The first night we spent together, after we fucked, I wanted nothing more than to cut your throat, let your blood run over my sheets. You would have looked beautiful.”

“Why didn’t you?” The knife paused.

“Because I looked at you when you were sleeping, and I realised you looked beautiful anyway.”

Kili pulled the knife away from the counter and stepped forward, closing the distance between them.

Fili didn’t move, just watched him approach with sharp eyes. Waiting for a window. Waiting for a trigger.

“Did you ever love me?” Kili asked, softly.

“I’m not capable of love, but I do care for you. I hold you in higher regard than anyone else I’ve ever met. My turn to ask a question now. How long have you known?”

Kili shrugged. “Not for certain until tonight.” The knife in his hand moved and Fili twitched, but Kili didn’t attack.

Instead, he did the unthinkable.

The knife twirled in his hand so the blade was between his fingers, and he offered the handle to Fili.

What was the play here? Why would he—?

Fili met the unwavering brown eyes that were fixed on him. Still no fear. He exhaled slowly and reached for the knife, feeling it slip from Kili’s grasp into his own.

His head tilted curiously, and he pointed the blade towards Kili’s throat, just close enough to touch the tip to his Adam’s apple.

Kili swallowed, and his pupils dilated at the motion. Not fear, still. No. Something else.

The knife slipped lower, down Kili’s chest. Over his stomach. To the waistband of his loose navy pyjama pants. Pants that had gotten a whole lot tighter over the last few moments. 

_Ah._

Kili was aroused.

Fili calmed instantly, something foreign welling up in his chest. No, not exactly foreign, but something rare. Something he never really felt outside of the ritual.

Acceptance.

He could see it written all over Kili’s face as plain as day. Gone was the naïve and oblivious mask Kili had worn daily, and Fili let his own mask slip away in return.

In that moment, he laid himself bare for Kili, and found nothing but incomprehensible _love_. Kili loved the monster behind the man, regardless of whether or not the man could ever love him back.

They’d found something together that worked while they lived a life of smoke and mirrors. With those obstacles removed, Fili knew that they would only find something better. Something dark and beautiful.

The knife slipped below the waistband of Kili’s pants, and Kili closed his eyes, his head tilting back as his lips parted. The exhale was music to Fili’s ears. He withdrew and tossed the knife behind him. His mouth sealed over Kili’s moments before it clattered against the wall.

Kili’s acceptance had sparked a different kind of need in him tonight. Something urgent. Something hungry.

Something that would not be denied.

And it was clear Kili had no intention of denying him.

Fili smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This work has now been extended and is posted separately as the first instalment of the Prison of Blood 'verse!

**Author's Note:**

> If you like my work, maybe leave me a comment?
> 
> You can find me on tumblr @ [fikidurin](https://fikidurin.tumblr.com), come and say hi!


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